Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I know, Faithful Reader, that you may be getting a little sick and tired of my whining about my back surgery, or lack thereof, as it were, (and somebody, somewhere, somehow is gonna have to pay if the Apocalypse comes before my back surgery, but that’s another story for another time), now, where was I? Oh yeah, back surgery. I guess I’m just getting a little sick and tired, too, of being sick and tired, if you know what I mean? So bear with me if you will.
I signed the surgery consent form back on January 4th and now, ironically enough, we have just passed the twelve week mark and they told me, back then, that it would be the magical, mystical “six-to-eight weeks” before the surgery would be performed. Okay, whatever. Then, eight weeks after January 4th I called the “Surgery Waiting List Line” and they told me my surgery would be somewhere between four-to-twelve weeks. FOUR-TO-TWELVE!? Could you be any more vague? That’s kind of ballparkin’ it, don’t ya think? You can’t cut down the margin by more than eight weeks?! That’s as close as I’m going to get?
Anyone in any other business would never be able to get away with that. “That siding will be in for ya in say, ah,…four-to-twelve weeks.” “I’ll fix that leaky toilet for ya, in say, four-to-twelve weeks” “I’ll have that new transmission in your truck in…” How long do you think they’d be in business?
So, again, okay, whatever, it is what it is. So I waited a couple more weeks and phoned again to see if my place in line had improved or somebody else on the waiting list had moved out of the country or, God forbid, passed away while waiting for surgery and I could move up a notch or two. Not that I was hoping that’s what would happen, mind you, but you never know. A lot can happen in four-to-twelve weeks.
So, you’ll never guess what the answer was. It’s STILL four-to-twelve weeks! Is there like a recording loop that answers every query with-(insert your best robotic voice here)-“Your surgery will be performed in four-to-twelve weeks” regardless of how long you’ve already been waiting? Apparently so.
Of course there’s no way at all your going to talk to an actual person about this either. “Leave your name and number and only leave ONE message (because we hate to be bothered by you people waiting six-to-eight-then-four-to-twelve-then-four-to-twelve-again-then four-to…) and we will return your call whenever we please”, or whatever the message says. Now you’re double waiting. You’re waiting for the phone call to tell you about how much more time you’re going to have to wait! Oh, the agony. And by the way, just a little sidebar here, screaming doesn’t help. It’s good for a tiny bit of stress relief but it’s hardly worth it. Trust me.
Exacerbating the whole situation are the mute federal politicians who are pounding the pavement and hitting the old campaign trail with nary a word about Healthcare. Blah, blah, blah the economy…blah, blah tax cuts…corporate tax breaks…family and student tax credits…every one of them promising to spend money that they don’t want to collect and in the meantime the number one concern of all Canadians, Healthcare, goes unmentioned. Hello out there! Anybody listening? I guess not.
Of all the political parties’ campaign promises I think the Marijuana Party of Canada was the only one that had a health care platform…but they forgot what it was. Haha. You know, you gotta keep your sense of humour or you’ll go more insane, right?
So in the end, thanks again for listening. This has turned out to be more therapeutic than screaming and, besides, the sad thing is, I’d probably have to wait four-to-twelve weeks to get in to see a shrink.
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”- Paulo Coelho- (1947-)

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

April 4th, 2011

I was trying to hold it off for as long as possible but this frustration has just got to come out. WHEN WILL IT END!? Winter that is. I know, I know, technically Spring started on the 20th of March but our human calendar doesn’t mean much when Old Man Winter is stubbornly clinging to life, does it?
So enough already! What have we done, or not done, to deserve this miserable weather? Wait. Don’t answer that last question. Whether it’s “we” as in “individuals”, or “we” as in “humankind”, the implications could be far too complex.
Anyway, I was pretty sure that March came in more lambish than lionish but it’s a moot point now isn’t it? One thing’s for sure…I don’t think any fair weather lover is going to miss March 2011’s passing now will they? What a miserable month that was.
In a way, I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with Spring. I love that Winter ends, and eventually it will, but I hate the messy, sloppy, muddy part between the end of Winter ‘til the time when the grass is all in and the tree leaves are out and there’s a lot more warmth in the Sun. At this time of year you’re never sure what coat or shoes to wear, resulting in an overabundance of clutter in the entranceway to the house, and then there’s the constant danger of ending up on your keister should you slip on the ever-present ice whenever you do have to leave the house. And Lord help you if you are a commuter or you had to do a lot of driving this past, present and persistent Winter on the worse than normal Winter highways and byways of Saskatchewan. It was unusually scary out there this year wasn’t it?
I guess there are always positives to any given situation. Like if you owned a carwash or a tow-truck or you’re a carpet cleaner or a rubber boot salesperson, or something, you probably wouldn’t mind this yucky time of year at all.
Of course there are those who will relish the elongated winter and don’t mind the fresh snowfalls in April and everything, you know the ones who can log on a few more hundred kilometers on the old snowmobile or get a couple more runs down the ski slopes. I’m so happy for you Winter lovers and all, but if it were left up to me, I’d rather be riding a lawn mower, if you know what I mean?
So if you’re as frustrated with this type of weather as much as I am, and you’re still struggling with the Winter Blues, too, then don’t look up the long range forecast. I’m serious. Don’t do it. Then again, they might be completely wrong. But why take the chance? My thoughts are that you would be best served if you invested your time in looking up some affordable travel plans to more temperate climates. It’s just a suggestion, and like I said, the weather forecasters could be completely wrong.
“Winter lies too long in country towns; hangs on until it is stale and shabby, old and sullen.”-Willa Cather (1873-1947).
Writer’s note: comments and questions regarding this column may be addressed to Also, previous “In My Humble Opinion” and “Random Thoughts” columns can be found on the following website:


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