Monday, May 27, 2013


The other day I loaded up the internet and the homepage came up with the standard variety of articles and stories to attract my attention and then I read this line, “Your barbeque grill may have more germs than a toilet seat!” so says the United Kingdom’s hygiene expert Dr. Lisa Ackerley whose research found the typical outdoor grill contains a staggering 1.7 million microbes per 100 cm sq as compared to the average toilet seat’s 759,950 microbes per 100 cm sq.

I don’t know about you but I can’t even remember the last time I had our toilet seats’ microbe population checked, but, okay, we’ll go with her number. The article also goes on to state the obvious by listing how carpets, computer keyboards, cell phones, kitchen sinks and dishcloths are also breeding grounds for germs. Ya think? Is this news? They forgot to mention door knobs, shopping cart handles, coffee cups, money, steering wheels, credit cards, baseball bats, used gum…

I don’t mean to be all cynical and everything but the research was carried out for the household cleaning product company Jeyes Inc. who just happen to be the distributors of Jeyes Fluid Outdoor Disinfectant. How convenient.

Now, I’m not saying that this news isn’t a bit alarming but sometimes ignorance is bliss. I didn’t really need to know the microbe level of my toilet seat and I am fairly certain that after years and years of barbequing experience, and taking in to account how many people I have poisoned over the years, (that would be none, by the way), I think that I am perfectly qualified to clean my grill and I can say with a certain amount of confidence that, if tested, my grill will be cleaner than my toilet seat. Just saying. Now, maybe I’m a bit more diligent than the average griller but I’m thinking we’ve got some Chicken Littleing going on here.

It’s just one more alarming piece of information that we don’t really want or need.  I’m reminded of the “Eyewitness News” hidden camera pieces that tell us all about the disgusting things we can find on our hotel bedding and in the restaurant kitchens and in the meat market and in the local bakery. Stop it already. There are just some things that we really don’t need to know.

            Like how many different daily things we do and are exposed to that can lead to disease and death. It seems that every second email is a notice that we are being killed by our car’s air conditioner or some kind of venomous spider or Aspartame or your mumps vaccine or some such thing. Please go to the website to confirm any and all internet warnings before you go screaming down the street with the latest piece of news that we are all going to die from.

            So as we enter the peak grilling season make sure you clean your grill properly, and, while you're at it, maybe you ought to do an extra bit of scrubbing on your toilet seat, too. Just use a different brush.

            “That which does not kill us makes us stronger,”-Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900).


Have you ever noticed how you can't sleep when you want or need to but you can sure sleep when you're not supposed to? You know how it is, lying there staring at the ceiling at four in the morning but you're snoring and drooling away in the training session at work or school? No? Never happened to you? I don't believe it.

            Very recently I happened to endure one of those restless nights but it wasn't due to work pressures or family or personal health issues or everyday life stresses, because those happen...well...every day, this was a very unique, hopefully once-in-a-lifetime, gut wrenching, slap in the face, kick to the groin, make me physically sick, event...yes, I'm speaking of the "Colossal Collapse" of my Toronto Maple Leafs in the seventh and final game of their first round NHL playoff  series versus the Boston Bruins. Yikes! These guys didn't just break our Maple Leaf loving hearts they ripped them out of our chests, threw them on the ground and stomped on 'em!! The only consolation from the whole ordeal is that I am only a fan. Mind you, I'm a bona fide,  true-blue, died in the wool life-longer, but I cannot imagine how the players, coaches and team officials feel.

            Without boring you with the nasty details I will say that the debacle was mind-bogglingly fast, painful and sad. It was death in the family sad. I'm thinking this loss could test the abilities of many a mental health service centre across the country, but their loss is not what I had intended to talk about this week at all, but thanks for listening anyway, I was going to talk about how one's mind wonders while in a semi-sleepless state.

            While I was trying to exorcise the Maple Leaf demons from my brain I turned my thoughts to other things like: why are we searching for intelligent life on other planets when it's so very rare here on Earth? Hmm? If we're so smart why is there an endless supply of material for "America's Funniest Home Videos"? Or as I like to call it..."How Stupid Can You Be?"

            Another inclement weather why do they advise us to "drive with caution"? As opposed to what? Reckless abandon? Shouldn't "driving with caution" be kind of like, oh, you know, standard operating procedure?

            And while we're on the subject of "driving with caution" what's with the video billboards? One advertising company states that they have "19 Strategic High-Traffic” markets from Victoria BC to St. John's Newfoundland. Isn't that special. So, I'm guessing that while we are driving "without caution" we can be watching TV? In high traffic areas? Does this sound like a good plan to you? Who allowed this to happen?... Lobbyists for the Canadian Auto Body Owners Association or something?

            You know what else is colossally stupid? Keeping the Canadian Senate. Enough is enough already. How much longer can the Canadian taxpayer be expected to support this patronage appointed thievery? Huh? How many Canadian Senate Scandals does it take to abolish a useless government institution? It's a rhetorical question, by the way, not the opening line of a joke...but then again... And besides, you can't possibly know the answer to that question because they're not done yet. Scandalizing, that is.

            Eventually, I'll get my lost sleep back. Probably in a meeting or something but I'll get it back. I've finally stopped thinking about THE LOSS all of the time now but there are always going to be things that will keep you awake at night and make you go...hmmmmm?

            "There are two distinct classes of what are called thoughts: those that we produce in ourselves by reflection and the act of thinking and those that bolt into the mind of their own accord."- Thomas Paine- (1737-1809).


Here's a reprise of a little Christmas poem I threw together for you. Three Kings, shepherds and a babe in the manger. The E...