Wednesday, April 13, 2011

I know, Faithful Reader, that you may be getting a little sick and tired of my whining about my back surgery, or lack thereof, as it were, (and somebody, somewhere, somehow is gonna have to pay if the Apocalypse comes before my back surgery, but that’s another story for another time), now, where was I? Oh yeah, back surgery. I guess I’m just getting a little sick and tired, too, of being sick and tired, if you know what I mean? So bear with me if you will.
I signed the surgery consent form back on January 4th and now, ironically enough, we have just passed the twelve week mark and they told me, back then, that it would be the magical, mystical “six-to-eight weeks” before the surgery would be performed. Okay, whatever. Then, eight weeks after January 4th I called the “Surgery Waiting List Line” and they told me my surgery would be somewhere between four-to-twelve weeks. FOUR-TO-TWELVE!? Could you be any more vague? That’s kind of ballparkin’ it, don’t ya think? You can’t cut down the margin by more than eight weeks?! That’s as close as I’m going to get?
Anyone in any other business would never be able to get away with that. “That siding will be in for ya in say, ah,…four-to-twelve weeks.” “I’ll fix that leaky toilet for ya, in say, four-to-twelve weeks” “I’ll have that new transmission in your truck in…” How long do you think they’d be in business?
So, again, okay, whatever, it is what it is. So I waited a couple more weeks and phoned again to see if my place in line had improved or somebody else on the waiting list had moved out of the country or, God forbid, passed away while waiting for surgery and I could move up a notch or two. Not that I was hoping that’s what would happen, mind you, but you never know. A lot can happen in four-to-twelve weeks.
So, you’ll never guess what the answer was. It’s STILL four-to-twelve weeks! Is there like a recording loop that answers every query with-(insert your best robotic voice here)-“Your surgery will be performed in four-to-twelve weeks” regardless of how long you’ve already been waiting? Apparently so.
Of course there’s no way at all your going to talk to an actual person about this either. “Leave your name and number and only leave ONE message (because we hate to be bothered by you people waiting six-to-eight-then-four-to-twelve-then-four-to-twelve-again-then four-to…) and we will return your call whenever we please”, or whatever the message says. Now you’re double waiting. You’re waiting for the phone call to tell you about how much more time you’re going to have to wait! Oh, the agony. And by the way, just a little sidebar here, screaming doesn’t help. It’s good for a tiny bit of stress relief but it’s hardly worth it. Trust me.
Exacerbating the whole situation are the mute federal politicians who are pounding the pavement and hitting the old campaign trail with nary a word about Healthcare. Blah, blah, blah the economy…blah, blah tax cuts…corporate tax breaks…family and student tax credits…every one of them promising to spend money that they don’t want to collect and in the meantime the number one concern of all Canadians, Healthcare, goes unmentioned. Hello out there! Anybody listening? I guess not.
Of all the political parties’ campaign promises I think the Marijuana Party of Canada was the only one that had a health care platform…but they forgot what it was. Haha. You know, you gotta keep your sense of humour or you’ll go more insane, right?
So in the end, thanks again for listening. This has turned out to be more therapeutic than screaming and, besides, the sad thing is, I’d probably have to wait four-to-twelve weeks to get in to see a shrink.
“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”- Paulo Coelho- (1947-)

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