Monday, November 12, 2012

NO WONDER THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US!

Hmmmmm…what to talk about, what to talk about, let’s see…you know, there’s just so much…like “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” or the Iowa jeweler who’s offering a free rifle to anyone who spends at least two-thousand dollars on an engagement ring or Hurricane Sandy or, more precisely, the idgit reporters covering the thing. How about we talk a little bit about all of the above, shall we?


Have you seen the TV show “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” which airs on the TLC channel? No? Then don’t! Please don’t. I beg of you. I watched it for fifteen minutes and I lost 10 points off of my IQ. Seriously! Ben, a peer-age friend of mine said, “We were raised not to point and snicker at folks like this and now they’re being shown as ‘Entertainment’!” This show is a clear sign that the Apocalypse is upon us.

According to Wikipedia: “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is a reality television program on TLC that features beauty pageant participant Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson, along with her mother June Shannon, father Mike Thompson and her three older sisters. The show is mostly filmed in and around the family’s hometown in rural McIntyre, Georgia, USA. The Thompson’s originally gained fame appearing on TLC’s Toddlers & Tiaras, (more mind-sucking caca [my words not Wikipedias]), which follows the lives of child beauty pageant contestants and their families.”

While some critics claim that this show is “pure exploitation” others praise June Shannon “for her ‘keen business sense’ with which she feeds her family on $80 a week by clipping copious coupons, playing Bingo, exploiting roadkill (???) and acquiring child support checks from each of her four children’s fathers (????).” Tsk, tsk, tsk…we’re doomed.

Then there’s the story of Iowa jeweler Harold van Beek who wanted to “do something for the boy who doesn’t like to hunt for diamonds but likes to hunt for deer.” His store, “Jewelry By Harold”, (nice ring to it, eh? haw, haw, pun totally intended) is giving away a gun for every $1,999.99+ engagement ring sold. Insert announcers voice here, “the rifle offer is subject to Iowa laws on gun ownership, those barred from this offer include felons and addicts.” Oh, thank God! And you wonder why the Excited States of America’s gun-related deaths are eight times higher than they are in countries that are economically and politically similar to it. Wow!

Okay, now, before I question the sanity of the reporters who feel compelled to stand in the middle of a Hurricane to give us “Eye Witness News”, while debris, medium sized animals and small cars are being swept away in the background, I’ve got another question to ask…who named this thing? Hurricane Sandy?! Really? Sandy? I guess it’s not the worst name for a nasty tropical storm, (I’ve looked them up), Fifi doesn’t exactly conjure up images of something ferocious either, I guess; Klaus or Hortense, maybe, or even Katrina, but Sandy? I get an image of a beach band’s shaggy-haired drummer or a blue-eyed, blonde-haired All-Canadian kind of girl. Come to think of it, why and when did they start using names to define a terrible, terrible storm? Years ago: “Awww, we better take cover there’s a hell of a Jim goin’ on out there!” Why? Why not number them? Or how about Roman numerals like the Super Bowl games and they can confuse us with numbers like XLIX (49 for those of us Roman numerically challenged)?

So, now, back to the reporters, I think every comedy show in recent history has lampooned these Extreme Reporters who stand in the wind-driven rain in their plastic rain gear and rubber boots, hanging on to their fisherman’s floppy hats while they’re screaming into the microphone about how dangerous it is for anyone to be out in this kind of thing and that everyone should take shelter or evacuate or, basically, GET OUT OF THE STORM!! Thanks for needlessly putting your life on the line for us and all, but geez, there’s got to be limits.

That’s how I’ve seen the world this week…You know what? I’m writing this on a Full Moon night. Figures.

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