Tuesday, November 18, 2014

HELP ME


            Did you hear about the 18 year-old Alabama man who robbed four Subway sandwich shops in four days because he wanted his money back over the failed “Subway Diet”? His armed robbery skills and his excuse for carrying out the crimes just reek of stupid. I’m sorry. I don’t know the guy at all but, seriously, he might not qualify as the stupidest burglar of all time but he’s up there with the best of ‘em. Or is it the worst of them? Well, you know what I mean.

            If you’re new to the planet or just don’t watch television, or anything, the “Subway Diet” was a Subway fast food restaurant ad campaign that was marketed around university student Jared Fogle who had become obese, (62” waist size for his pants…yes, 62”), from his junk food addictions and decided to do something about it. So he switched to eating Subway’s sandwiches, which he must have felt was the healthiest choice of junk food, I guess, and he also reduced the portion sizes, eliminated the fattening condiments like mayonnaise and started walking a lot. The result was a huge loss of weight. Good for him.

            His college roommate wrote about Jared’s successful weight loss in the Indiana Daily Student News which then led to Jared’s story being included in a Men’s Health article called “Stupid Diets…that Work!” Jared soon became a long-time spokesperson for Subway restaurants and has kept his weight in check ever since.

            The Alabama robber should have read all of Subway’s literature on the “Subway Diet” because the diet comes with this disclaimer, “The Subway Diet, combined with a lot of walking, worked for Jared. We’re not saying this is for everyone. You should check with your doctor before starting any diet program. But it worked for Jared.”

            So, apparently, according to Zachary Terrance the 18 year-old man accused of the robberies, the first course of action after the Subway Diet let him down wasn’t to try to get a refund from the restaurant or maybe write to the Subway store or the corporate offices and complain or anything, his course of action was to grab a gun and demand his money back. At four different Subway locations. In four days. Without a mask on. In full view of the on-site cameras.

            After local police aired footage of the robberies and pictures of the culprit he was spotted at a local Wal Mart wearing the same bright orange running shoes that the robber wore and then the authorities were notified and Terrance was arrested while shopping for a holster for his gun. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Maybe he should have been shopping for other diet solutions or something. Just saying.

            Hopefully Zachary Terrance is young enough to get some help. He is obviously not the clearest of thinkers. I don’t know anything about the man but maybe he has mental health issues. If he can atone for his mistakes and get some sort of rehabilitation instead of sticking him in prison with the hardened criminals, making him a lifer no doubt, there’ll be hope for a better life for him and everyone else. He’s just lucky the gun didn’t go off during one of his capers. I’m sure the store’s clerks would agree.

            The above story may have been my long winded way of bringing up men’s mental health issues but as I am, once again, Movembering up, I thought this would be as good a time as any to shill my Movember website.

            Again, if you are unaware, Movember is a fundraising campaign to get men to grow their mustaches for the month of November in support of Men’s Health Issues like prostate and testicular cancer and men’s mental health problems. For more information or to donate to the cause you may visit my Movember website at: http://ca.movember.com/mospace/. Your assistance in raising awareness and addressing men’s health issues would be greatly appreciated.

“Unfortunately, we force people to break the law in order to get any kind of mental health treatment.” Pete Earley, Bestselling author and Mental Health Advocate, (1951-).

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